


Losing Him

by Alice_Night



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 13:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7055224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Night/pseuds/Alice_Night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a demon and you and Sam are doing everything in your power to find him and bring him home. You have split up hoping to cover more ground separately. Who knew you would stumble upon just the man you were looking for... alone... with no one to help you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You were sitting with the boys in the library of the bunker after a simple salt-and-burn, eating pizza and telling stories. Around ten o'clock Sam got up declaring he was going to bed, leaving you and Dean alone. You kept on talking and joking for a while until suddenly Dean stopped talking mid-sentence his eyes focused on something in the distance.

He quickly stood up from the table, his chair crashing to the floor behind him. He spins on his heel and swiftly leaves the library. “Dean!” you call getting up to follow him “Dean what’s wrong? DEAN! Talk to me!” you yell and rush after him.

You follow him down a series of hallways. You don’t remember ever being in this part of the bunker before. As you run behind him the walls around you start to slowly fade until you are running behind Dean in complete darkness. The only light around seems to be coming from Dean’s body as he runs away from you. Then time seems to freeze you in place while Dean runs out of sight, leaving you alone as the darkness engulfs you.

Slowly you are able to move again but you have nowhere to run to. You can’t see anything in the pitch blackness that surrounds you. Soon you get the odd feeling that someone is watching you and a shiver runs down your spine. You start walking backward taking quick short steps. Suddenly your back hits something warm and solid, your entire body tenses.

All your muscles are coiled to the point of breaking, all your senses hyper-sensitive. You feel the object behind you shift. You feel warm air tickling the back of your neck and you give an involuntary shiver. Then you hear someone whisper from right beside your ear “Hi there sweetheart.” You knew the voice well. TOO well. You would recognize that deep, rich voice anywhere.

You slowly turn around and find yourself looking at a red-striped plaid button down. You lift your gaze to look at the face you know so well and have come to love (though you would never admit to anything like that to anyone). You take in his striking jawline, the curve of his lips, the shape of his nose, and finally his ey- Wait a second! The man standing before you resembled Dean in every aspect except one: His eyes.

In the place of the amazingly green eyes you had dreamed of on many occasions, now were soulless black ones. Dean grinned at you evilly and leaned towards you so as to be able to look you in the eyes directly and said: “Did ya miss me darlin’?” You took a step away from him, and that only seemed to make his grin widen. His body tensed like a predator ready to pounce on its prey, and his face twisted into a mocking sneer. You could do nothing but gasp as he lunged straight at you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight depictions of violence/fighting.

Your eyes fly open and you cry out, your hands reaching up to cover your face. You wipe away the tears that sprung to your eyes at the realization that it was just a dream. For some reason, that simple truth made you hurt more. You would give anything for just one more day with Dean, just one more chance to talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Suddenly you realize that you are no longer in the crappy motel room you had been staying at for the past few days. You look around the room confused, wondering how you got here trying to remember something that might clue you in. All of the sudden it comes crashing back:

You had interrupted your hunt for Dean to take care of a vengeful spirit that had been terror rising a small town near the place you were staying. It was and easy hunt and it was over quickly leaving you with nothing more that a small gash above your left eyebrow. You then returned to the motel to clean up and then head out again in search for any leads concerning Dean. Little did you know he found you first.

When you returned to your motel room you found the door slightly open although you distinctly remembered locking it before you left. You took out your gun and proceeded to enter the room. Once inside your heart stopped as your eyes fell upon a figure. He had been waiting for you. He sat in a chair pulled up to the middle of the room, his posture was relaxed and his eyes watched you lazily. 

“Well Hi there sweetheart.” he said, a devilish glint in his eyes “I heard you were looking for me so I thought I would make this easy for you.”

You didn’t respond. You kept your gun trained on his while your mind raced to make sense of the situation. 

“I see you’re not very chatty now , I get that.” he said, raising his hands “I came here to talk sweetheart. When I left the bunker that day I realized I had left an important thing behind… You darlin.” 

“Like hell you did.” you spat at him, which might not have been your smartest move because something flickered in his eyes before they turned back to normal.

He smiled at you angelically “Aw come on now (Y/N) don’t be like that. I missed you” he said with mock conviction, his eyes widened in fake innocence. 

You stared at him for a long time before finally asking a question that had been eating away at you for a long time “What did you do to Dean?”

“Do to him? Honey, I’m right here, this is all me. This is ‘your’ Dean.” As he spoke he stood up and started making his way towards you, taking long leisurely steps. He stopped about two feet away from you.

“I don’t believe you, and there is no way you can convince me otherwise!” You said stubbornly, setting your jaw and glaring at him. 

“Oh really?” He challenged you, taking another step closer. You instinctively took a step backwards, which was a wrong move under the circumstances. 

That simple movement set something off inside him “You will NOT back away from me.” He growled and grabbed your arm, gripping it tightly “You are mine!” he declared.  
You tried to disentangle yourself from his grip. “Dean let go of me. Dean, you’re hurting me!” you exclaimed. But all your struggles were futile since your pain only seemed to make his grin widen, resulting in him gripping your arm even tighter.

You had dropped your gun, knowing that it would do nothing but piss him off if you used it. You did have your hunting knife tucked away in your boot, though, that could do serious damage. It was strapped to your leg and hidden by your knee-high boots. It wasn’t a demon killing blade but it would still be of more use to you than a gun. You also knew that you wouldn’t be able to kill Dean if it came down to that.

You decided on the wisest course of action and acted. You pretended to attempt escaping but ducked low at the last minute before Dean hauled you back up and smacked you against the hard wall. 

“You really shouldn’t have done that baby girl.” he taunted you, and there was an edge in his voice that made you tremble a bit. Before he could do anything to you, though, you brought up your hunting knife and pressed it against his neck.

“Let go of me or I will not hesitate to leave you in a puddle on the floor.” you warned him “Huh, guess you got me now sweetheart,” he replied before giving you a sly wink.

Then, faster than humanly possible, he grabbed you arm and twisted it behind your back forcing you to drop the knife. He then grabbed your head and smacked it into the wall. You were unconscious before you fell to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

You sit there in shock for a minute letting everything sink in. Dean is alive you think. And not only was he alive, he had been looking for you. You shake your head, trying to clear it and look around the room. It was plain. The walls were bare, there were no windows, the only item of furniture in the room was the bed you now sitting on. The only source of light was coming from the door which was left slightly ajar, the light spilling through the crack the give pitiful illumination to your surroundings.

You know that the door was left open on purpose, Dean wasn’t one do be careless when it came to things he cared about. Wait… Did he care about you? You try to push all irrelevant thoughts to the back of your mind to deal with later. You focus on the door again thinking of the motives he would have to do such a thing. You guessed that the twisted, evil side of him would enjoy watching you stumble around blindly while you tried to find the exit.

Well, he went to all this trouble just for me, you think, I better not disappoint him. You slowly raise yourself off the bed. Your head hurts from when it was slammed into the wall. You look down at yourself, you are still wearing the same faded blue jeans you were wearing on your last hunt along with a plaid button down on top of a white tank top. The tank top had a bit of blood on it and you had no idea where it came from. You were still wearing your boots thankfully… Unfortunately, Dean had taken both of your hunting knives.

You slowly walk down the hallway outside your room, heading deeper into the darkness. You avoid all passages that seem to lead to light thinking that those are the paths Dean would expect you to take. You walk down endless hallways. After about twenty minutes of walking, you run into a dead end. Annoyed that you have to go back after walking for all this time, you huff and turn around.

And what do ya know! Leaning against the wall in front of you: Dean Winchester. “Going somewhere sweetheart?” he asks his usual smirk plastered on his face. Your heart couldn’t help but give an involuntary flutter at the use of your nickname, you missed him so much it was maddening. He was right there in front of you and every fiber of your being wants to go to him, to bury your face in his chest, to run your hands through his hair, to have him close to you again. But you resist as much as you can and try to keep your face clear of all emotion when you ask him “What is your game, Dean? What do you want?”

“What do I want? Well, that’s easy! I want you (Y/N).” he states plainly.

“Yeah, I got that you’ve said it before. What I don’t get it why? Why me?” you ask again. 

He just looks at you and doesn’t respond, he studies you from head to toe, reading every single emotion that flashes across your face. After a long stretch os silence, he says “You really have no idea, huh?” 

“Um… idea… about what?” you ask nervously.

He suddenly bursts out laughing “Oh man! That’s rich! Ha!” he continues to laugh and you are too confused and uneasy to question him again.

Once his laughter dies down he says “The old Dean really had a thing for you. And now whatever that thing was… it’s much stronger.” A huge grin spreads across his face as he takes in your shocked expression. You had never thought Dean would actually have feelings for you. Sure you had hoped he would but still hearing it now didn’t make it any more believable. And anyways this wasn’t your Dean, no matter what that demon said, your Dean was gone. You cursed yourself silently for having been a coward and not admitting your feelings for Dean sooner for fear of being turned down. You sigh and push away the aching feeling in your chest, telling yourself to focus on the task at hand.

You set your jaw and close off any emotion, not letting him mess with your mind, and look up at him with a cold emotionless gaze. “Screw off Winchester” you spit at him. You see a small flicker of pain flash across his features, and for a second you see a glimpse of the Dean you lost, but it was quickly gone.

The demon in front of you smiles coldly, his eyes turning black “Fine, have it your way hot stuff.” his voice deepens as he speaks “I think it’s time for a little fun!” He moves towards you and you immediately move back but you find yourself unable to move more than a couple feet before your back hits the cement wall behind you. Something in his eyes tells you to be afraid of what’s coming.


	4. Chapter 4

This time, when you open your eyes you find yourself tied to a chair. You can’t even remember ow he knocked you out this time. The room you are now in is very similar to the “dungeon” back at the Bunker. The chair you are tied to is in the middle of the room, in the center of a painted Devil’s trap. Across from you is a heavy metal door, and to your right lie a series of torture instruments, some of which even you don’t recognize. The instruments beside you range from old-fashioned knives, hammers and metal knuckles to syringes filled with God knows what.

Your wrists are zip-tied to the chair and so are your ankles. The only light illuminating the room is coming from a vent above your head and it seems to be the only possible escape route aside from the door. The downside, though, to this escape route would be the fact that it is located about fifty feet in the air. Not being able to turn around you have no idea what is behind you, though you suspect nothing to be there at all.

You know Dean has taken all your concealed weapons. You felt the absence of their comforting weight. You accept the fact that you are unarmed, no matter how uncomfortable the thought makes you feel. You then proceed to think up an escape plan, even though it is not very likely to escape you do so anyway. In the end, you settle on the door being the most likely escape route.

Now not having anything to do you let your mind wander. You think up different scenarios in facing Dean but each one ends the same way: with you failing miserably. You must have been sitting there for about three hours, by your estimate, when your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your stomach rumbling. You laugh to yourself quietly, amused at the basic needs your body still has regardless of your situation. “Well, good luck with getting any food,” you say out loud looking down at your belly.

An hour or so later you are still sitting in the chair in semi-darkness. You memorized every detail of the room and you had to admit you were getting rather bored. For the umpteenth time you look up at the ceiling and the vent, noticing that absolutely nothing has changed. You sigh loudly and shrug “What the heck…” you say and start humming.

You look around at the assortment of torture instruments set to the side of you as you hum “Just One Yesterday” by FallOut Boy. None of the weapons are even remotely close enough for you to reach. So having literally nothing to do you start to sing:

“I thought of angels choking in their halos, get them drunk on rose water. See how dirty I could get them, pulling out their fragile teeth and clip their tiny wings.”

You get to the bridge and you start to sing louder, not caring who hears you:

“Anything you say can and will be held against you. So only say my name, it will be held against you. Anything you say can and will be held against you so only say my name…”

And then you practically yell the next words, trying to be as annoying as possible:

“If heaven’s grief brings hell’s rain. Then I’d trade all my tomorrows for JUST ONE YESTERDAY!”

You cut off when you hear the sound of a deadbolt being removed from the other side of the door. 

You see Dean poke his head inside the doorway, he raises on eyebrow and gives you a ‘really?’ look “Fall Out Boy? Really (Y/N)? What have I been teaching you all this time? Honestly, you’re letting me down!” he says putting a hand over his heart in mock hurt. 

You can’t help yourself and say “Letting people down is my thing baby.” you wink at him and crack a smile at your own joke. He smirks at you and rolls his eyes.

He starts walking towards you but stops at the edge of the Devil’s trap. “Why do you think you’re here (Y/N)?” he asks you.

You swallow visibly, there were very few things that could make you feel this uneasy what with you being a hunter and all but Dean Winchester was definitely one of them. “Um… well… I can’t imagine anything good so why don’t you just tell me.” you suggest. 

He chuckles darkly “Does this room bring any particular image to your mind?” he asks feigning innocence.

As soon as he says that, memories of the numerous demons you had captured and tortured while on your search for Dean came to mind. You look away from him and don’t answer. 

“Yeah, thought it would,” he says smugly when he sees your reaction “I heard of what you did to those demons (Y/N) and I have to admit I was surprised at first. I couldn’t believe that you, out of the four of us would be so determined and… thorough. I mean I have tortured for information, so has Cas, hell, even Sam did to find me but you (Y/N)? That’s just scary.” 

You can clearly see that he is trying to mess with you but all of his words strike true in your heart. “I did what I had to” you reply coldly “I regret nothing.” 

“Alright, I’m not judging, though, there is something that bugs me,” he confesses

“And what would that be?” you ask with a sneer.

He takes one more step towards you and leans down so that his face is just inches from yours. 

You stare into his striking green eyes, trying desperately to find a hint of the man you knew. He looks back at you with a hunger in his eyes that sends a shiver up your spine, but in a good way for some reason. 

After a few seconds of silence, he finally asks “Did you enjoy it?” 

Your eyes widen in surprise, caught off guard by his question “I-I-I… don’t k-know… what you m-m-mean.” you stutter, avoiding eye contact looking at anything but him. But that was an extremely hard thing to accomplish since he is right. In front. Of. Your. Freaking. Face!

“Oh I think you know exactly what I mean sweetheart.” he chuckles when you flinch at his words “I’m talking about the adrenaline rush you get when you have complete and utter control over a person” he runs a hand up the side of your neck for emphasis and you shiver “I mean the pure excitement you feel when you make them scream and beg.” he grabs your chin and forces you to look into his now soulless black eyes “You sure you don’t know what I’m talking bout sweetheart?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions and descriptions of torture.

You gasp at the searing pain in your shoulder from where the knife was cutting into your skin. Blood started flowing down your arm to join more blood from other cuts on the floor. Dean was taking an extreme amount of pleasure out of seeing you suffer. He had been at it for hours, reveling in every scream that passed through your lips that were now cut and bloody.He was still trying to get you to answer his question about the torture thing, but you had managed to hold out ‘till now. 

“It’s funny you know, that I’m considered a monster for what I do when you have done exactly the same things. You gotta admit (Y/N) we are very much alike.” his words hit you harder that his previous punches and your head snaps up, your eyes meeting his, a certain fire within you that wasn’t there before.

“You. Don’t. Know. Anything. About. Me.” you say through gritted teeth, every word coming out dripping with venom.

He takes a step back, amused by your response, knowing he was starting to get under your skin (both in a literal and metaphorical sense). “Really? How exactly are you different from me (Y/N)? What is it that I don’t know about you that changes everything?” he challenges. 

You stare at him for the longest time before saying “Go and get a wet washcloth and you’ll see.” He doesn’t respond immediately, he looks at you to make sure you aren’t kidding before he puts the knife down and exits the room. 

You take a deep breath and try to ignore the pain. You really weren’t sure what made you say that to Dean, you weren’t sure if you were ready to accept the truth yet. But you didn’t have much time to change your mind because Dean was back before you knew it holding a tattered rag in his hands “Now what?” he asks. 

“Come here,” you instruct, he moves towards you with a profound look of confusion on his face. Once he is standing directly in front of you, you tell him: “Lift up my right shirt sleeve.” he does this exposing the skin of your forearm “Now rub the cloth on my arm.” your voice comes out as barely a whisper.

He looks you in the eyes before starting to gently rub the cloth on your skin. He breaks eye contact to look down at the mark slowly appearing as he removes the makeup that was covering it. Once it is fully uncovered he breathes out in disbelief and takes a step back, his hand going to his own shirtsleeve. Dean lifts up his sleeve showing off the mark on his arm that is identical to yours. He looks from one mark to the other trying to make sense of the situation, and you watch him in silence.

After a few minutes of stunned silence, he asks “How did you get that?” his voice is deeper and more ragged. 

You sigh and begin to recount the story of how you got the mark:

“One day, about eight months ago, I was on this hunt. I was hunting these two Djinn who were terrorizing a small town in Wyoming. After staking out the place they were holding up I decided to attack at night under the cover of darkness when one of the two of them went out to hunt on its own. That way I would only have to deal with one of them at a time… Long story short I went in to deal with the one when his friend decided to come home early. I finally killed them but not before one of them drugged me with its venom. I barely made it to my motel room before I passed out. In the morning, I could barely remember what had happened. I only had a massive headache and the feeling that someone was trying to burn my arm off.

The mark was just the there and I had no idea what it was or what it made me capable of.  
So I didn’t give it much thought until a couple weeks later when I was hunting a nest of vamps. When I ganked the first one something really strange happened. It was like my vision went red and I no longer had any control over my body. The next thing I knew I was standing alone surrounded by dead vamps. But that burning feeling didn’t go away, it took everything I had to get as far away from that town as I could. I drove through the night to get to a safe house I had installed years ago tucked away in the woods. I got to the house and did a little research on the mark. Well, you can imagine how surprised I was to find out that I now had the freaking Mark of Cain on my arm. So I mad a few calls and asked about a little until I heard that none other than Dean Winchester had made a deal with Cain himself for the Mark. The only thing that bugged me was that you had gotten the Mark knowingly, you had to use it to kill Abbadon when I had absolutely jack squat to work with.

Finally, I decided the best course of action would be to track you down and see if I could get any answers for you. And well you know the rest…” you trail off.

“Yeah, that’s how you found us but (Y/N) we had no idea you had the Mark all that time.” 

“Well with everything that was going on with the angels I didn’t want to burden you with my problems. So I kept my mouth shut and suffered through,” you answer with a shrug. 

“But knowing that another person could have the Mark could have changed everything!” Dean protests, getting a little angry.

“Look Dean I did tell Cas about it but he told me not to mention anything to you until he could gather some more information. He only told me that his theory was that we are somehow connected and everything that affects your soul affects mine and vice versa,” you state plainly.

“If that theory is true then how come you don’t have black eyes?” he challenges.

“I haven’t the slightest idea like I said it was Cas’s theory not mine.” you say “And now you know the truth so don’t ever presume anything about me, Winchester. Got it?” you continue.

“Okay, okay! Don’t get your panties in a twist, princess!” he says lifting his hands in mock surrender “But knowing all this doesn’t change much… Now where were we before that lovely trip down memory lane?” he asks, his gaze wandering around the room before landing on the table beside your chair. “Oh yes, now I remember! Time for round two baby girl.”


	6. Chapter 6

You are sitting alone in the darkness, blood covering most of your body. Dean had been relentless, intent on getting you to practically beg for him to stop. After he found out about the Mark he wanted to see what it would do to you to be in pain. And it was not fun. Every time be would cut you or hit you your vision would flash red and you would be overcome by an uncontrollable bloodlust. It was slow and agonizing and Dean dragged it out as much as he possibly could.

On the one hand, you had the piercing pain of the knife passing through your skin. On the other you had the excruciating burn of the Mark filling you with the urge to kill. 

Seeing you in evident pain only seemed to fuel his desire to cause more. he only stopped when you were on the verge of passing out, then he left you with the promise of more.  
You have no idea how long you have been sitting in the darkness and you dread the moment he will return. You are starving and hurt and bloody but worse of all is the terrible bloodlust that has refused to subside. Maybe you shouldn’t be the only one who should dread your next meeting.

You estimate that about three hours have passed since you regained consciousness when you hear the creaking of the heavy metal door swinging open on its hinges. Dean enters the room carrying a tray with what appears to be food on it. Your stomach immediately grumbles at the sight of food making Dean smirk at you. 

“Hungry much?” he asks mockingly “So sorry to keep you waiting, princess.” 

You can’t even muster the strength to retort. Despite all the conflicting emotions raging within you, you try to keep a straight face as he pulls up a chair to sit across from you.

“How about we make a deal?” he offers “I will let you eat if you do one small thing for me in return.” he offers.

“And what would that be?” you manage to ask, your voice coming out much weaker than you would like.

“Oh nothing much…” he begins “You just have to tell me how you felt about me before all this happened.” he gestures to himself for emphasis.

You swallow and look away, not very eager to open up old wounds. But the pain in your stomach puts up quite the fight and you sigh in defeat. Dean’s eyes glint when seeing your response and he leans in towards you eagerly, his feet just outside the Devil’s trap.

Suddenly a plan forms in your mind and you open your mouth to speak “So when you were human I liked you like really liked you. Though I always thought you didn’t feel the same way since you always brought random girls back to the bunker and never gave me a second glance…” you trail off for a second your gaze drifting to the side and you lose yourself in thought for a second.

Then you suck in a breath of air and say “Anyway none of that matters now since the Dean I cared for is gone and no matter what you say I won’t believe it unless I have seen proof with my own eyes.”

“Ouch! I’m hurt, really I am. Also, your story was very touching but tough luck sweetheart.” he retorts. You swallow thickly and look away feeling the tension in the air. 

You clear your throat roughly before saying “I held up my end of the deal. Now you do the same.” 

“Impatient are we?” he asks in his mocking tone but pulls up a chair across from you none-the-less. In silence, he begins to spoon-feed you never breaking eye-contact.

You chew every bite carefully and swallow, never looking away from his emerald eyes. Sooner than your stomach would like, the food is gone but neither you or Dean moves or breaks eye-contact. 

“Dean…” you whisper and then suddenly his lips are on yours, kissing you hard and passionately. And just for one second you forget everything and lose yourself in the feel and smell of him. Your hands strain against the restraints wanting to run themselves through his hair and over his body.

He notices this and, caught up in the heat of the moment, he cuts away the zip-ties and your hands spring free and start moving of their own accord. Your fingers trace his body hungrily and run through his hair. Suddenly something snaps inside you and the wall you had put up with so much effort to try and block the effects of the Mark and you are filled with an inescapable bloodlust.

Your fingers tighten in Dean’s hair and your other hand drops to the waistband of his jeans where his gun is. He realizes too late what you are about to do and tries to pull away but you only tighten your grip on his hair, pull the gun free and smack the butt of the gun across his temple. He instantly goes limp in your arms.

You find his knife and cut your legs loose then you set Dean in the chair and proceed to tie him up. After you finish you sit and wait for him to regain consciousness. Now it’s my turn to have a little fun!


	7. Chapter 7

Dean wakes up slowly, shaking his head and looking around blinking away sleep. Once he realizes what has happened his eyes widen adorably and he struggles against his restraints. “Son of a Bitch!” he mutters under his breath trying vehemently to get free.  
_____

While Dean was out is took you every ounce of control in your body to calm yourself and, well, not kill Dean. As soon as you were fully in control you called Sam and told him where you were and what had happened. At first, he didn’t believe you but then he must have heard the desperation in your voice and said he was on his way.

He arrived about an hour before Dean woke up and in that time you told him… everything. When you finished explaining your current situation the first thing he did surprised you. He didn’t demand explanations you couldn’t give, he didn’t back away from you or draw his weapon. He pulled you into a tight bear hug and asked if you were okay.

After that, you and Sam tried to come up with the best plan to deal with Dean. In the end, you decided the best course of action would be to take him back to the bunker and try to cure him using the same ritual you used on Crowley. So you moved him to the bunker’s dungeon and began preparations.  
_______

Now Dean was awake and his eyes burned into yours with hatred. And that hatred intensifies when he sees Sam stepping out of the shadows to stand beside you. 

“Really (Y/N)? You called my brother? I thought we were having a moment. ” he protests.

“You don’t get to talk to her!” Sam snaps at him and then looks at you “Ready (Y/N)?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you say and take out a syringe full of purified human blood.

Dean’s eyes widen with realization and fear and he starts struggling furiously against his bonds.

“Sammy…” he says cautiously “you don’t wanna do this.”

“No, trust me I want nothing more. I want my brother back and I want to send you straight to hell.” Sam replies taking the syringe from you and making his way towards his brother. Sam plunges the needle into Dean’s forearm. Dean yells in frustration and pain his eyes turning black as he throws his head back. 

But then his yell turns into a dark chuckle and he looks you in the eye saying: “That’s all you got?”

You exchange an apprehensive glance before you fill another syringe with blood and hand it to Sam, who repeats the process. This time, Dean cries out a bit louder but still maintains his snarky attitude.

You continue the entire procedure about four more times when you finally decide to call it a day. You pick up your things and all of Dean’s torture instruments making sure there are no weapons in the room before leaving and locking the door securely behind you. Sam and you are both exhausted and decide to get some rest. After finding two rooms located side by side, you each retire to your room for some sleep.

You are woken up in the middle of the night by Sam knocking on your “Come in.” you say sleepily “Hey. Um (Y/N)? I don’t know if you heard it but Dean got free of the chair and he’s been banging on the door for the past quarter of an hour.” he says.

“Oh, shit!” you murmur running a hand over your face, trying to get the sleep out of your eyes. You quickly put on your ruined, bloody clothes and follow Sam.

You get to the room where you had left Dean only to find the door wide open “Son of a bitch!” you exclaim.

“God damn it!” Sam breathes from behind you. You both take out your guns and proceed with to walk down the hallway while covering each other’s backs. You first go and check the exit making sure it is still locked, and it is. You continue down various hallways with caution, checking each room you come across still seeing no sign of Dean.

Suddenly you both hear a noise coming from down the hall. You both head towards the direction of the sound but you are greeted by an empty beer bottle rolling across the floor. But something must have knocked it down. You turn to glance at Sam and see that he had the exact same thought as you because his eyes are wide and he motions for you to stay close.

You stick together until the hallway splits in two and you decide to split up, Sam takes the right side and you take the left. Everything is extremely quiet except for the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears, and you can barely see the path in front of you. Taking out the small flashlight Sam had given you and turning it on you illuminate the cold, cobweb-filled passageway before you.

As you walk down the hallway you start to feel more and more uneasy. You feel like you are in a scary video game where you have to escape the building before the psycho killer gets you and game-over. And well if you are being completely honest with yourself your situation isn’t very different.

The hallway winds to the right and as you begin to slowly make the turn you see a dark shape move in the shadows ahead and you duck just in the nick of time as the blade of a machete strikes the wall just where your head had been. You silently thank your reflexes as you back away just enough to see Dean pull the blade out of the wall and begin to make his way towards you once more.

He swings at you again and you side-step, narrowly avoiding it. You know there is absolutely no way you can beat Dean in a fight, at least not alone. As he lunges at you, you try to fling yourself out of the way while simultaneously calling out “Sam!”. 

Apparently you didn’t avoid him as well as you thought you had because something collides with your back, hard, knocking you to the ground breathless and groaning.  
As you hit the ground you lose both your flashlight and your gun, and you try to scramble away from your attacker. But he is on you in an instant, pinning you in place with one hand while the other is aiming the blade at your throat. You freeze knowing that moving would only result in blood loss, so you both stay like that for a second, silent and breathing heavily. Dean opens his mouth t say something but it never comes out because he is being flung into the wall beside you.

You look up and Sam is instantly by your side “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” he asks frantically, his eyes scanning your body for injuries. “I’m okay Sammy,” you assure him as he gives you a hand-up and lifts you to your feet.

You don’t manage to stay on your feet longer than two seconds because Dean is up in a flash and grabs you from the back of your shirt pulling your back against his chest and holds the knife to your throat. Again everyone in the room freezes.


	8. Chapter 8

“Dean wait! Don’t do this” Sam says trying to calm his brother down and trying to hide the anxiety in his voice.

“Put the gun down Sammy.” The older Winchester orders.

“Dean just hold on a sec-”

“I said PUT THE GUN DOWN!” he half shouts and the blade of the knife inches closer to your throat. Sam’s eyes widen slightly at his brother’s outburst as he slowly bends to set the gun on the ground and holds his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, Dean I put the gun down. Now just listen-” he begins but is cut off again by an angry Dean.

“No, Sammy it’s your turn to listen alright. I told you to let me go, I told you to stop looking for me. Has it ever even occurred to you that I might like being like this? The Dean you knew is gone, so stop trying to bring him back.” he pauses and when he begins again his voice is deadly calm which for some reason is even scarier than when he’s angry “Now, I’m going to say this one last time: Let. Me. Go. And as for you…” he says jerking your face towards his “Well we have some unfinished business. Don’t we sweetheart?” 

You jerk your face out of his grasp and remain silent, earning a harsh chuckle in response. You feel the cold blade press into your skin lightly but not lightly enough because Sam could see the little beads of red against the silver knife and knew that he would have to tread very carefully.

Then Sam notices your hand which is slowly inching towards your pocket in which he can see the handle of a syringe filled with a heavy sedative he had filled earlier just in case it was needed. He hadn’t seen you pocket it but now he was glad that you did. Quickly diverting his gaze Sam asks Dean another question.

You are trying as hard as you can to go unnoticed by Dean as you reach into your pocket and take out the syringe. You also silently thanking Sam for distracting his brother while you attempt this. As soon as you have a firm hold on it, you spin around in Dean’s arms knocking the blade out of his grasp and stick the syringe in his upper thigh injecting him with the sedative. He is unconscious before he hits the ground.

You and Sam decide that the best option would be to take Dean back to the bunker where you have all your equipment. So you gather your few belongings and are on the road within the hour with Dean tied up and unconscious in the backseat of the Impala.  
Once you get to the bunker, with the combined effort of Sam and you, you move Dean to the dungeon and make sure to tied him to the chair more securely this time before exiting the room. After that, you both go to the library so you can brush up on some details about the cure. You look at everything one more time and admittedly you are rather tired but you don’t let Sam see. He is hell bent on getting his brother back as soon as possible, tonight if he can.

You barely exchange two words with him as you get ready. As soon as you’re done you gather the equipment and head towards the dungeon followed by Sam. There you set your things down and get ready to wake up Dean. Since at the moment you aren’t very happy with Dean (even though it wasn’t really his fault) you decide to give the demon a proper wake-up call… With holy water. You dump the whole bucket on his unconscious form.

Dean jolts awake with a cry of pain, steam coming off his body and his eyes turn onyx.

“Son of a-” he trails off as he realizes where he is “Home, sweet, home.” He says looking about the room “Gotta say I half expected you to have offed me by now, what with you being nothing different than I am. But of course, you can’t even do that right you stupid bitch.” He smirks at you and it takes every ounce of your self-control to not punch it off his face.

“I wouldn’t act so smug if I were you, Winchester, because I have a whole lot of holy water and nothing but time.” You threaten him. 

“Oooh getting a little excited are we? Did little (Y/N) finally learn to bite?” he says biting at the air at the end of his sentence.

“I would really tone it down Dean because you’ve managed to single-handedly piss off a whole bunch of people that would gladly rip your smug face off. Instead, we are doing everyone a favor by getting rid of you sick bastard and bringing back my brother.” Sam says harshly, and you are kind of shocked at his outburst. 

“Awww Sammy! It’s cute how you care. You always were one for chick-flick moments. Itty-Bitty Baby Sam.” Dean mocks him, pouting. 

Sam doesn’t respond, he just clenches his jaw and moves to take the syringe full of blood from your outstretched hand.

Sam approaches his brother and doesn’t hesitate to plunge the syringe into Dean’s forearm. You take a deep breath and stand back as Dean starts to thrash violently yelling profanities all the while. Sam does it again and you lose your eyes and clench your teeth as Dean screams.


	9. Chapter 9

Many hours later you and Sam decide to take a break. In that time, Cas pops in to check on your progress and Sam gives him the rundown. In that time, you go to the kitchen to try and find something to eat, not that you are sure your stomach can take anything after hours of seeing the man you care for screaming in agony.

You are about to tell Sam you’re calling it a day when Cas suddenly appears beside you.

“Damn it Cas!” You exclaim “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

The angels eyes widen with concern and he moves to try and put his fingers on your forehead as if to heal you “No, no, Cas it’s just an expression. I’m fine you just startled me that's all.” You assure him.

“Oh, well I’m sorry.” he says before turning to Sam “It seems you are encountering difficulties.” 

“Yeah well it seems like it is taking a little longer than expected. And it also seems to be having a lesser effect on Dean than it had on Crowley.” Sam replies.

You hang your head in despair and fatigue. After a few seconds of silence, you lift your head “Cas… Is there anything you can do? I know you can’t fix him but still…” You trail off not knowing exactly what you can ask of him that you and Sam have already tried. 

“(Y/N) I know you’re worried about Dean, we all are but I think you and Sam might want to accept the possibility that the cure might not work. I’m not saying it won’t work, but I believe it would be better if both of you are prepared for the worst case scenario.” he finishes.

“But… I… it can’t… it has to…” you try to get the words out but your voice starts breaking and a sob escapes your lips “Cas… the cure has to work! It was bad enough thinking he was dead, but knowing that he is a demon… for some reason, it is so much worse!” You manage to get out. 

Cas pats your back trying to comfort you and Sam walks up to you and gently wraps you in a bear hug, resting his chin on top of your head. “Hey, hey. Shh, everything is going to be alright (Y/N). We are all worried about Dean.” he pauses “Hey, why don’t you go get some rest and we can continue later?” He says. 

You sniff and look up at him “Thanks, Sammy.”

You quickly exit the room and rush to your bedroom closing the door firmly behind you before your composure completely melts away. Tears spring to your eyes and flow down your cheeks. You let out and anguished cry and yank at your hair as fear, anger and frustration bubble up inside of you. Usually, you aren’t one to cry, you are more like Dean who keeps his emotions bottled up and sealed away but right now you particularly care at all. All you need is some sort of outlet. You CAN’T lose Dean. Not again, not after all the searching, and the despairing and the torture!

Curing him is the only chance you have of ever seeing the real Dean again and you don’t think you could take it if the cure doesn’t work. The thought of never being able to look into his beautiful green eyes again, or see them light up when he laughs at one of your stories while flashing his irresistible smile, or sharing a bear with him while sitting on the hood of the Impala while watching the stars kills you. 

And what makes everything just that much worse is the fact that you have already had these thoughts running through your mind once before when he was stabbed by Metatron. And just knowing that he would be alive but a demon seems more unbearable than knowing he was dead.

You throw yourself onto your bed and scream at the top of your lungs into a pillow. You scream long and hard letting all your anger and sorrow out along with the scream. And when you finish your throat aches and your eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. You curl yourself into a ball on top of your covers, bringing your legs as close to your chest as you can and drift off into and uneasy sleep.

You haven’t been sleeping for more than two hours when Sam barges into your room. 

(Y/N), I’m sorry to rush in like this but there is something you might want to see.” He says with an urgency in his voice that makes your eyes widen and you spring out of bed. 

Sam grabs your hand and practically drags you down to the dungeon. Once you're there you see Castiel standing in front of Dean, he moves and places his hand over Dean’s mouth as he chants “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus. Hanc animam redintegra, lustra! Lustra!”

Dean thrashes wildly in Cas’s grip and his eyes turn black. As soon as Cas finishes the spell he releases Dean and takes a step back. You can only stand there with your mouth slightly agape as you stare at the scene unfolding before you. Dean’s black eyes lock with yours and you can see pain clearly etched into his features for a split second before he drops his head. The room is silent except for Dean’s panting.

Then the older Winchester starts to lift his head slowly and you can practically feel Sam and Cas holding their breath along with you. Dean looks at you and your heart falters, his eyes are still black. But then very slowly the black starts fading and hi eyes return to that beautiful green color that you could loose yourself in for hours on end. He blinks up at you all and shakes his head as if he’s trying to clear it. 

"Dean?“ You ask cautiously and his eyes snap to meet yours. "(Y/N)?” He asks as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Your gaze flickers to Sam and then Cas asking with your eyes and they both nod in turn.

You then move to a nearby table and grab a silver flask that lays atop it, then move to stand in front of Dean. You open the flask as he watches you wordlessly and splash the contents onto his face. There is no reaction from him.

“Oh my God…” You breathe and kneel before Dean taking his face in your hands “It’s you.”. His gorgeous green eyes are overflowing with emotions that convey more than words could ever do, but regardless he stares into your eyes and says:  
“It’s me, sweetheart.” Just soft enough for you to hear. 

And as you move to get the key to free him from the chair you can swear you hear him mutter an almost inaudible:

“I love you.”


	10. Epilogue

After you cured Dean and freed him the next couple hours were full of question asking and story telling and explaining. Quite frankly it was exhausting, all you wanted to do was crawl under your warm blankets and contemplate the words you heard Dean say. But… like the good friend you were you powered through.

Which is why you are now sitting alone in the kitchen of the bunker with a cup of coffee in your hand at 4:00 AM. You know that there is no way you’ll be getting any sleep tonight and not for fun reasons. You can hear Sam and Cas talking quietly in the library while Dean you assumed was in his room taking a shower since that is what he said he would be doing.

No matter how hard you try you cannot drag your thoughts away from the older Winchester and those infamous three words. There is no doubt in your mind that you feel the same way if not more so, you’re just unsure of how to go about telling him. And also you aren’t 100% sure if it was completely true on his part and not some sick last minute trick of the demon before he left.

You are so wrapped up in your thoughts that you don’t hear Dean enter the room. As a matter of fact, you wouldn’t be aware of his presence at all if he didn’t shake you gently while saying your name a couple times.

“Y/N. Hey Y/N! Wake up!” 

“Wha- Oh I wasn’t sleeping I was just uh… lost in thought I guess.” You explain lamely while internally cringing at the way your voice sounds all breathy and high-pitched. Dean chuckles before he wraps an arm around your shoulders and leans against the counter beside you. Your heart rate quickens noticeably and you can feel your cheeks getting hot as he leans in closer to you. 

You are physically unable to form coherent thoughts as he places his mouth besides your ear and whispers:

“I know you heard what I said back in the dungeon. So let’s not kid ourselves here.” And then he pulls away just enough to look you in the eyes. 

“I did hear what you said back there.” You say and his eyebrows raise expectantly, his eyes fill with hope but you don’t continue. There is no way to put into words what you feel, so you take a risk and close the remaining distance between the two of you. Your lips collide with his and you try to convey every feeling, every thought, every wish you’ve ever had to Dean without using words. 

You pull away after a few moments gasping for breath, both of you panting heavily. “I love you too you beautiful idiot.” You say and you see his eyes light up brighter than the stars as he leans in to kiss you once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! I hope you liked it, comment on your thoughts. If you have any questions or requests my inbox is always open.


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